My Dearest Anya : 

I have told you hundreds of times that I love you, and how much I love you, and how I yearn to be with you, to have you as my wife.  And I have said the same words to myself in the deafening silence of my loneliness away from you -- thousands of times.  Sometimes, I just like to pretend that you are here, listening to my voice, perhaps that you are the pillow in whose bosom I rest my head.  And I listen for your voice ... sometimes I can hear you speaking to me in my dreams, across the thousands of kilometres that separate us. 

Just since my stroke, as before, there are periods during which you and I chat with each other regularly, over Viber or Facebook Messenger or Skype or even Google Hangouts.  During these days, I am deliriously happy, and my recovery from my stroke accelerates.  I feel so much Hope, just the need to become well that I can travel to Ukraine and marry you drives me on. 

At other times, you get tired, and stop speaking to me regularly, for very good reasons of your own, I am sure, but reasons that I do not understand, or perhaps that I do not want to understand.  At these times, I get very tired and more sick, and my recovery slows down.  It's not your fault.  It's all just in my mind, I am sure.  But it is my mind, and an essential part of who I am.  I cannot get away from it. 

I have prayed a lot about you and me -- and every indication God has given me is that He wants me to keep going on the same course as the one on which I am going -- loving you, wanting you, wooing you ...

But sometimes I start to lose hope.  After all, many people die after they have a stroke.  Why should I be any different? 

If that happens, you must still find a husband.  You will marry.  Maxim needs a father in his life.  You will be a good wife to a good man.  And he must love and cherish you, like me, 

I want the very best for you, Anya, and for Maxim.  But in case I die before I am able to give you everything that I want to, I still pray that God gives you a wonderful and happy life. 

And in case you ever feel that you are unloved, I want you to be reminded that even from beyond the grave, I will continue to love you, unconditionally.  For all of eternity, you will be loved by my soul and my heart, which already belong to you, my darling. 

But to remind you and comfort you at times in the future when you might feel sad, I want to leave you this archive of love letters, that I have written, or will write, for you, my one true love.  Some of these I will have sent you, but others I may never have the chance.  I will post them here from time to time, while I still can.  If I am gone, this website is already paid for -- for several more years.  Please read my love letters, beautiful Anya, and download, print and keep them.  They are your property. 

As long as you keep them, you will have me live in your heart, as I will always have you live in my heart. 

And if you don't want them, burn them and throw away the ashes.  And with those ashes, I will return to the earth, and become of it, soil from which new life may come, the fruit of my everlasting love for my sweet Anya ...

Yours for Ever in Love,

Gairik